Things are becoming harder as we fall deeper into this recession, there is a cocoon that traps us into negative or limited thinking about who we are and what we can become. Either we can continue to think of ourselves as victims, or we can take ownership of our lives and extend our possibilities in limitless directions.
Think of something in your life you are great at. Own it, and pour your spirit into it. Michael Jordan did not just play basketball, but definied his inner self as he soared to the basket. Within each of us is an inspiration - a spark of insight about the person we were meant to be. Reinventing yourself helps us to name that vision...to call it ours and to begin to make it happen.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Who wants a First Lady?
Why is everyone trying out for the first lady position? Why is it difficult for gay men to be co-presidents? Is it so hard for gay men to have some attributes aside from physical appearances that MEN have?
I personally have a very strong opinion about what defines a man. I don't think that it is necessary for you to have a blue collar position or be a homo thug to have some sort of masculinity. However, every man in his own right should have something masculine about him. That makes him a man aside from standing up to piss, which lets be honest hell some of them dont want to do that LOL.
I dont think that gay relationships should be like hetrosexual relationships. Who the hell wants that? Why can't we be two men co-exist being men? To me there is nothing sexier than you and your man playing sports together, discussing cars, building things, etc.. Uhh you know doing somethings that men do.
Why do I have to change the oil, cut the grass and play sports. Meanwhile you want to be the cheerleader, the wife and/or the first lady. Can we both do both yet still be men? eeewww....
I personally have a very strong opinion about what defines a man. I don't think that it is necessary for you to have a blue collar position or be a homo thug to have some sort of masculinity. However, every man in his own right should have something masculine about him. That makes him a man aside from standing up to piss, which lets be honest hell some of them dont want to do that LOL.
I dont think that gay relationships should be like hetrosexual relationships. Who the hell wants that? Why can't we be two men co-exist being men? To me there is nothing sexier than you and your man playing sports together, discussing cars, building things, etc.. Uhh you know doing somethings that men do.
Why do I have to change the oil, cut the grass and play sports. Meanwhile you want to be the cheerleader, the wife and/or the first lady. Can we both do both yet still be men? eeewww....
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Race
What are we racing for? Must race be an issue in every instance? Recently a friend and I were talking and she told me while listening to a nationally syndicated radio show the DJ accused those 2 judges who were sending kids to jail of only sending black boys to jail. When in fact they were sending all kids to jail. Why must everyone make everything about their race? Is it not enough that we as a country are all in the same state of crisis right now? I know its an age old question but how different would the world be if race was not an issue? Danielle said her father told her if we did not argue about race it would be about something else height, hair, etc. I presume he is right but I would like to see the day...........
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Hmmm.......
So he has me thinking..... what have I done to ignite such a passion that he wants us to have a family together, share friends, live together. He said he watched me sleep one night and though to himself damn.... he also mentioned there is some kind of feeling you get when you watch the man you want sleeping in your bed.
This is a man I have never even kissed, a man I have known for less than 6 months, the time we spend is limited due to schedule conflicts but some how some way he has imagined all of the above with me. I am not sure what its all about but I am sure it makes me feel good.
This is a man I have never even kissed, a man I have known for less than 6 months, the time we spend is limited due to schedule conflicts but some how some way he has imagined all of the above with me. I am not sure what its all about but I am sure it makes me feel good.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Girl Child Aint Safe In A Fag Club
What possess a man to pursue a woman in a gay club? The other night my friends and I went out and my best friend Danielle came along with us. Now, Danielle is a straight woman, a hag who just wanted to go out with her fag.
Some clown claiming to be just there with his "boyz" was trying to pick her up? Needless to say I interjected and one thing lead to another and we were kicked out for me attempting to beat this guys ass. LOL...
Why in 2009 do men still feel the need to be "DL"? Is it that serious you cant come to terms with your life that you must involve the lives of others. There is nothing more liberating then a man coming to terms with his sexuality.
Some clown claiming to be just there with his "boyz" was trying to pick her up? Needless to say I interjected and one thing lead to another and we were kicked out for me attempting to beat this guys ass. LOL...
Why in 2009 do men still feel the need to be "DL"? Is it that serious you cant come to terms with your life that you must involve the lives of others. There is nothing more liberating then a man coming to terms with his sexuality.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Amazing....
As a Christmas gift I was given an iPhone and recently decided to have it activated. The phone it itself has thousands of applications. One particular called Loopted is a social networking app. This evening as I was scrolling Loopted and came across this particular profile picture with two guys hugging. The headline read "I have an amazing partner".
It got me to thinking what makes him so amazing?? Does he smile in the mornings at you, does he uplift your spirit after a hard days work, does he make you laugh, does he keep your relationship new and exciting, are you equally yoked? Oh wait that's what I want in a partner. Dictionary.com defines amazing as "causing great surprise or sudden wonder". Its also synonymous with astonishing, fantastic, incredible, and wonderful.
This guy has claimed to have found a partner who is amazing and so amazing he wanted to tell the world. WOW!!!! Althought I am not seeking a relationship if only I can be so lucky.
It got me to thinking what makes him so amazing?? Does he smile in the mornings at you, does he uplift your spirit after a hard days work, does he make you laugh, does he keep your relationship new and exciting, are you equally yoked? Oh wait that's what I want in a partner. Dictionary.com defines amazing as "causing great surprise or sudden wonder". Its also synonymous with astonishing, fantastic, incredible, and wonderful.
This guy has claimed to have found a partner who is amazing and so amazing he wanted to tell the world. WOW!!!! Althought I am not seeking a relationship if only I can be so lucky.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Table for 1
Norman Cousins once said, "the eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness." From the beginning of life we are surrounded by others. In conversations with people, I have often times heard them express how the thought of being alone or growing old alone frightens them.
Typically when we see an elder and/or know someone who is alone we view them as crazy, strange etc. It is a constant reminder of what we don't want to be. Its funny that we are able to do so much alone, yet so many other things "require" us to be with someone else.
Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone. When you become strong enough to love yourself 100% good and bad, you have no problem requesting a ....... table for 1.
Typically when we see an elder and/or know someone who is alone we view them as crazy, strange etc. It is a constant reminder of what we don't want to be. Its funny that we are able to do so much alone, yet so many other things "require" us to be with someone else.
Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone. When you become strong enough to love yourself 100% good and bad, you have no problem requesting a ....... table for 1.
Friday, January 9, 2009
1.8.81
As of last year my birthday has become a very touchy subject for me.
Last night I was out with a group of friends to "celebrate" my birthday at Surins and somehow someway the night got ugly when two friends got into an argument. To make light of the situation, I decided to "recreate" the events change the location and their names... LOL....
The cast of characters included Barbara Ann, Lilly Jane, Odessa, Bubba Joe and myself. When I arrived at the Barbara Ann was already sitting at the bar drinking a glass of thunderbird and reading soap opera digest. We hugged as she wished me a happy birthday. Shortly after I arrived Odessa came in explaining how she has been combing her hair all day and her wrist is really hurting. We said awww…. Maybe you should have a drink to calm your nerves. She said sure "I will get a glass of Boones Strawberry Hill bartender". So we are all just standing there kee keeing about how great I look and how fabulous my wardrobe was. I remind them that all it takes is a great Dr. and a great knife to look the way I look. As we are looking out the window we see Lilly Jane and Bubba Joe coming in.
I go over to tell the hostess our party is here. She said “they are just cleaning the table in the golden suite and if you all want to get started we just put out some fresh clean plates at the buffet please feel free to help yourselves.” We get settled in the room and we all sit down and start to talk. The waiter comes in and Bubba Joe orders a MD 20/20, I order a shot of water, and Lilly Jane orders a double chocolate chardonnay with coco chips on top.
As the night progresses we engage in some deep conversations from ctrl p + ctrl v=1.5 billable to how the lights went out in Hawaii. Between the MD, the Boones, the Thunderbird and the constant trips to the buffet line the conversation gets really deep. Barbara Ann ask Odessa a question and she becomes heated and say “how dare you” she then throws her drink on Barbara Ann. Barbara stunned by what has happen pulls her wig off to reveal a spike Mohawk. Odessa embarrassed runs out leaving one of her glass slippers behind. As we are leaving not believing what has happen Odessa walks back in and say what happen to my shoe I know you stole it Derrick, I say what then reach in my bag and pull out my tee shirt which said “BYTCH PLEASE”!!!! Barbara Ann said no I have it Odessa who can’t believe that she had her slipper goes into her purse and pulls out a set of brass knuckles and tells Barbara Ann to bring it outside. Bubba Joe said you know what that’s my cue to leave I got billables to do and he takes off. Lilly Jane who is high from chocolate tries to calm Odessa down.
Barbara Ann said let her azz go I am from the West End I will shank her ass… Bubba Joe hearing that as he is on his way out the door comes back and say did she say shank? I said yes. He said “shank as in to stab or jug” I say yes… he said OK I am out of here. So we get outside and Odessa has pulled her car around to the front and her face is greased up and she has taken off her shoes. Barbara Ann then gives Lilly Jane her earrings and then she walks up to Odessa and grabs her wrist. Odessa then runs off and jumps in her car and speeds off.
When I get home(it took 15 minutes) there was a Marshall at my door with a subpoena to appear in court for tomorrow. It read Odessa Jones vs. Barbara Ann Swoops. I am like WTF.. So I go to court this morning there is Odessa with black mac make up around her eye with her wrist in a sling. On the other side was Barbara Ann. Odessa has filed suit alleging Barbara Ann broke her wrist and she has to have it replaced. Because Odessa does real paralegal work she was able to prove that Barbara Ann really did insult her and now Shelley I mean Barbara Ann has to sell her house to pay for Denise I mean Odessa medical bills.
I never was able to have cheesecake on my bday.
Last night I was out with a group of friends to "celebrate" my birthday at Surins and somehow someway the night got ugly when two friends got into an argument. To make light of the situation, I decided to "recreate" the events change the location and their names... LOL....
The cast of characters included Barbara Ann, Lilly Jane, Odessa, Bubba Joe and myself. When I arrived at the Barbara Ann was already sitting at the bar drinking a glass of thunderbird and reading soap opera digest. We hugged as she wished me a happy birthday. Shortly after I arrived Odessa came in explaining how she has been combing her hair all day and her wrist is really hurting. We said awww…. Maybe you should have a drink to calm your nerves. She said sure "I will get a glass of Boones Strawberry Hill bartender". So we are all just standing there kee keeing about how great I look and how fabulous my wardrobe was. I remind them that all it takes is a great Dr. and a great knife to look the way I look. As we are looking out the window we see Lilly Jane and Bubba Joe coming in.
I go over to tell the hostess our party is here. She said “they are just cleaning the table in the golden suite and if you all want to get started we just put out some fresh clean plates at the buffet please feel free to help yourselves.” We get settled in the room and we all sit down and start to talk. The waiter comes in and Bubba Joe orders a MD 20/20, I order a shot of water, and Lilly Jane orders a double chocolate chardonnay with coco chips on top.
As the night progresses we engage in some deep conversations from ctrl p + ctrl v=1.5 billable to how the lights went out in Hawaii. Between the MD, the Boones, the Thunderbird and the constant trips to the buffet line the conversation gets really deep. Barbara Ann ask Odessa a question and she becomes heated and say “how dare you” she then throws her drink on Barbara Ann. Barbara stunned by what has happen pulls her wig off to reveal a spike Mohawk. Odessa embarrassed runs out leaving one of her glass slippers behind. As we are leaving not believing what has happen Odessa walks back in and say what happen to my shoe I know you stole it Derrick, I say what then reach in my bag and pull out my tee shirt which said “BYTCH PLEASE”!!!! Barbara Ann said no I have it Odessa who can’t believe that she had her slipper goes into her purse and pulls out a set of brass knuckles and tells Barbara Ann to bring it outside. Bubba Joe said you know what that’s my cue to leave I got billables to do and he takes off. Lilly Jane who is high from chocolate tries to calm Odessa down.
Barbara Ann said let her azz go I am from the West End I will shank her ass… Bubba Joe hearing that as he is on his way out the door comes back and say did she say shank? I said yes. He said “shank as in to stab or jug” I say yes… he said OK I am out of here. So we get outside and Odessa has pulled her car around to the front and her face is greased up and she has taken off her shoes. Barbara Ann then gives Lilly Jane her earrings and then she walks up to Odessa and grabs her wrist. Odessa then runs off and jumps in her car and speeds off.
When I get home(it took 15 minutes) there was a Marshall at my door with a subpoena to appear in court for tomorrow. It read Odessa Jones vs. Barbara Ann Swoops. I am like WTF.. So I go to court this morning there is Odessa with black mac make up around her eye with her wrist in a sling. On the other side was Barbara Ann. Odessa has filed suit alleging Barbara Ann broke her wrist and she has to have it replaced. Because Odessa does real paralegal work she was able to prove that Barbara Ann really did insult her and now Shelley I mean Barbara Ann has to sell her house to pay for Denise I mean Odessa medical bills.
I never was able to have cheesecake on my bday.
Monday, January 5, 2009
The OK Life
I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight about guys in Atlanta. He could not understand why people he has dated are so complacent. An example he gave was a date to the movies and how the other person stated they did not have the funds for that. He thought to himself you don't have 10 dollars? Which under some circumstances we both agreed you may not have money however why is that always the case? This applies to all aspects of life not just finances.
After we finished our conversation, of course I started to think why do we become so complacent in life? What makes us stop striving for more? Automatic repetitive behavior is what the brain is designed for. Complacency is not the result of apathy, carelessness or a flaw in your personality its just the way we as humans are.
You can start giving daily attention to your needs and desires. We all have desires and those desires require you to step box and picture where you want to be. Never settle for an OK life. Always strive for your best life yet. Remember a business plan without a strategy is just a wish.
After we finished our conversation, of course I started to think why do we become so complacent in life? What makes us stop striving for more? Automatic repetitive behavior is what the brain is designed for. Complacency is not the result of apathy, carelessness or a flaw in your personality its just the way we as humans are.
You can start giving daily attention to your needs and desires. We all have desires and those desires require you to step box and picture where you want to be. Never settle for an OK life. Always strive for your best life yet. Remember a business plan without a strategy is just a wish.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
子 to 丑
2008 was the year of the Rat according to the Chinese Zodiac. When I think about rats a few things come to mind: rodents, betrayal, disease, experimentation, dirtiness. Needless to say it was one of my worst years ever. The year included death, devastation, divorce, drama, in that exact order. Starting with the burial of my great grandmother ending with drama between a friend and I. My thoughts about rats proved to be true in 2008. The year taught me some valuable lessons:
- Rodents are all around you tread lightly, in an attempt not to crush them. Be careful when inviting them into your space often times they multiply.
- Betrayal comes when you least expect it. Although its unfortunate, I have learned to keep my security level at "blue" (guarded) and to never have a problem elevating when disaster arises.
- Disease enters your life with an attempt take over and destroy who you are. Don't believe everything placed before you, doctors are not always right research yourself. A cure can be 14 days away as in my case.
- Experiments are a great way to determine what you can and cant deal with. Experiment often but watch out for rodents and betrayal.
- Dirt is an adjective used to describe things soiled; foul; unclean. I laugh at this one because often times people wearing dirty clothes attempted to help me clean my laundry. You then learn to never take advice from those in the same boat, but listen to those already ashore. Otherwise you will never reach the dock.
"Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design." (O.W.)As I move into the year of the Ox, the Rat has made me stronger, more knowledgable, and I have become my greatest asset. This year to thy ownself, I will be true.
The Grind
1:03 am. Its hard and I think you feel the heat pulsating from it as its pressed against your firm back side. Holding you in my arms from behind I began to feel your arousal. You turn to me kissing me softly yet intensely, I slowly move my hands down your well defined back into your red underwear. Feeling the firmness of your body I can not help but to become more aroused as I turn you over and pull them off. Running my tongue down your body, I hear you moaning in pleasure reaching for me and telling me not to stop. I wrap my arms around your legs and raise you up on all four's as I press my face into your body then turn you back over. Sliding between your toned thighs, I began to lick you from your erection to your neck. As you turn towards me wrapping your thighs around me we lightly start to stroke. We moan in one another mouth as we continue kissing.
Breaking the kiss, I began to nibble along your nipples. In complete darkness I am able to feel how beautifully formed, your entire body is. I continued kissing down your body, and licking your abs. I could feel your arousal tremble in my hand. Down on my knees, I kiss the head of your arousal. You moaned again as I opened my mouth and pushed your arousal through my lips. I loved the taste and the smoothness of the area surrounding it you pushed more into my mouth, ever so slowly.
Taking my time, not wanting to rush anything, wanting you to enjoy what I was doing, I slip 2 fingers inside you. As you whisper "I love when you do that to me..." turning me on even more I begin to bob my head up and down while I push my fingers in and out of you. Massaging your full balls in my hand, you moaned out loud. You raised my head up so that I may kiss you as you are laying me on my back.
You start to run your tongue down my firm body until you reach my freshly shaved arousal. You start sucking me deep reaching around to grab my cheeks you pull me even closer. As I began moaning you turn me over and put your tongue inside of me.
Wet, you slide your arousal inside of me as I tremble going from all fours to laying flat on the bed. You begin to catch your rhythm as I enjoy you inside of me we both begin to moan. Stroke after stroke moan after moan we decide to change positions. I get behind you and start massaging your cheeks I slide inside you I could not believe what he had been missing out on. After a few strokes with me inside you, you turn over to lay on your back. Spreading your legs even in the dark I can not help but notice the arch in your toes as we rock back and forth listing at my headboard tap against the wall. As I pull you closer to me, I start to whisper into your ear and remind you of how good your body feels wrapped around me. Asking you to ride me, we turn over as you get on top I cant help but be reminded of how firm your cheeks feel.
While you are on top of me, I begin to feel the wetness coming from your arousal as it bounces on my abs. Holding you in my arms we begin a slow bounce up and down. As I try to raise up you push me back down telling me to finish. Not being able to control myself at this point we both start to moan louder and louder as we finish you lean over to kiss me.
BAM... BAM... BAM!!!!! WTF I say? Its the neighbors below us knocking on their ceiling telling us to shut the fuck up.
Its soft and I think you feel my heart pulsating as its pressed against your firm back. Holding you in my arms I can feel your heart beating too . As we talk and laugh eventually we fall asleep with you in my arms. 2:17am.
Breaking the kiss, I began to nibble along your nipples. In complete darkness I am able to feel how beautifully formed, your entire body is. I continued kissing down your body, and licking your abs. I could feel your arousal tremble in my hand. Down on my knees, I kiss the head of your arousal. You moaned again as I opened my mouth and pushed your arousal through my lips. I loved the taste and the smoothness of the area surrounding it you pushed more into my mouth, ever so slowly.
Taking my time, not wanting to rush anything, wanting you to enjoy what I was doing, I slip 2 fingers inside you. As you whisper "I love when you do that to me..." turning me on even more I begin to bob my head up and down while I push my fingers in and out of you. Massaging your full balls in my hand, you moaned out loud. You raised my head up so that I may kiss you as you are laying me on my back.
You start to run your tongue down my firm body until you reach my freshly shaved arousal. You start sucking me deep reaching around to grab my cheeks you pull me even closer. As I began moaning you turn me over and put your tongue inside of me.
Wet, you slide your arousal inside of me as I tremble going from all fours to laying flat on the bed. You begin to catch your rhythm as I enjoy you inside of me we both begin to moan. Stroke after stroke moan after moan we decide to change positions. I get behind you and start massaging your cheeks I slide inside you I could not believe what he had been missing out on. After a few strokes with me inside you, you turn over to lay on your back. Spreading your legs even in the dark I can not help but notice the arch in your toes as we rock back and forth listing at my headboard tap against the wall. As I pull you closer to me, I start to whisper into your ear and remind you of how good your body feels wrapped around me. Asking you to ride me, we turn over as you get on top I cant help but be reminded of how firm your cheeks feel.
While you are on top of me, I begin to feel the wetness coming from your arousal as it bounces on my abs. Holding you in my arms we begin a slow bounce up and down. As I try to raise up you push me back down telling me to finish. Not being able to control myself at this point we both start to moan louder and louder as we finish you lean over to kiss me.
BAM... BAM... BAM!!!!! WTF I say? Its the neighbors below us knocking on their ceiling telling us to shut the fuck up.
Its soft and I think you feel my heart pulsating as its pressed against your firm back. Holding you in my arms I can feel your heart beating too . As we talk and laugh eventually we fall asleep with you in my arms. 2:17am.
This Christmas
12:55,1:55, 2:55, finally time to board the plane to VA 3 hours later. Upon arrival, DJ rents a shoebox for us to drive to his aunts house where we are staying. It was a rather interesting trip to say the least. Did you know having a driveway in VA is a luxury item? Otherwise you have rocks even on a brand new house. The family had a party which was real nice. Per capital Richmond VA has more gay clubs than Atlanta. I was surprised with an iPhone. I guess sometimes people do listen to me as I am rambling. LOL.. After 3 flight delays we are back in Atl. For me it was a rather quiet Christmas compared to what I am use to.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Does the future still equate the past?
As I woke up Sunday morning hung over from two parties the night before, I reach for my phone and start to scroll through it reviewing missed calls, text, etc.... There was one particular which stood out. Taking two aspirin to relieve the headache I am suffering from, I return to my phone to look again. I say to myself "hmm is this for real". Around 11 am I get up to start my Sunday, which does not stand out from any other at this point. Handling my needs shower, dressing, etc. , I prepare to go see my uncle for a few hours.
Finishing my visit with Mitchell, the Mario brothers ring tone plays to signify I have a new text message. Picking up my phone, I look... "hmm" I think again. I respond as I dust the chips off my shirt I subside and decide to take a drive... based on the new message and my response it leads one way. Straight to you.
As you and I sit in an attempt to keep it light hearted, some how, some way, feelings about the past slid into the conversation. I sit, I listen, I disagree, I listen and I think. Looking outside the window I slowly watch Sunday turn to Sunnight. I start to ask myself a series of questions:
Finishing my visit with Mitchell, the Mario brothers ring tone plays to signify I have a new text message. Picking up my phone, I look... "hmm" I think again. I respond as I dust the chips off my shirt I subside and decide to take a drive... based on the new message and my response it leads one way. Straight to you.
As you and I sit in an attempt to keep it light hearted, some how, some way, feelings about the past slid into the conversation. I sit, I listen, I disagree, I listen and I think. Looking outside the window I slowly watch Sunday turn to Sunnight. I start to ask myself a series of questions:
- What is this all about?
- Am I really in NYC and you're in LA, yet we are in the same room?
- Does my future still equate my past?
Some how I feel empty when I leave, with the above questions still unanswered. We will never be able to move from this cause its not being allowed.
Often times, individuals need something to hold on to for justification in their lives. How can man be justified if all are under sin? The book of Romans teaches us that justification comes from God not man. If you are continue using man to rationalize the actions of your past, it becomes difficult for you to see a future. At some point we must take accountability for our own actions.
I leave you with this, I am already living for tomorrow, stop living in yesterday.
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