子 to 丑

2008 was the year of the Rat according to the Chinese Zodiac. When I think about rats a few things come to mind: rodents, betrayal, disease, experimentation, dirtiness. Needless to say it was one of my worst years ever. The year included death, devastation, divorce, drama, in that exact order. Starting with the burial of my great grandmother ending with drama between a friend and I. My thoughts about rats proved to be true in 2008. The year taught me some valuable lessons:

• Rodents are all around you tread lightly, in an attempt not to crush them. Be careful when inviting them into your space often times they multiply.
• Betrayal comes when you least expect it. Although its unfortunate, I have learned to keep my security level at "blue" (guarded) and to never have a problem elevating when disaster arises.
• Disease enters your life with an attempt take over and destroy who you are. Don't believe everything placed before you, doctors are not always right research yourself. A cure can be 14 days away as in my case.
• Experiments are a great way to determine what you can and cant deal with. Experiment often but watch out for rodents and betrayal.
• Dirt is an adjective used to describe things soiled; foul; unclean. I laugh at this one because often times people wearing dirty clothes attempted to help me clean my laundry. You then learn to never take advice from those in the same boat, but listen to those already ashore. Otherwise you will never reach the dock.

"Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design." (O.W.)As I move into the year of the Ox, the Rat has made me stronger, more knowledgable, and I have become my greatest asset. This year to thy ownself, I will be true.

The Grind

1:03 am. Its hard and I think you feel the heat pulsating from it as its pressed against your firm back side. Holding you in my arms from behind I began to feel your arousal. You turn to me kissing me softly yet intensely, I slowly move my hands down your well defined back into your red underwear. Feeling the firmness of your body I can not help but to become more aroused as I turn you over and pull them off. Running my tongue down your body, I hear you moaning in pleasure reaching for me and telling me not to stop. I wrap my arms around your legs and raise you up on all four's as I press my face into your body then turn you back over. Sliding between your toned thighs, I began to lick you from your erection to your neck. As you turn towards me wrapping your thighs around me we lightly start to stroke. We moan in one another mouth as we continue kissing.

Breaking the kiss, I began to nibble along your nipples. In complete darkness I am able to feel how beautifully formed, your entire body is. I continued kissing down your body, and licking your abs. I could feel your arousal tremble in my hand. Down on my knees, I kiss the head of your arousal. You moaned again as I opened my mouth and pushed your arousal through my lips. I loved the taste and the smoothness of the area surrounding it you pushed more into my mouth, ever so slowly.

Taking my time, not wanting to rush anything, wanting you to enjoy what I was doing, I slip 2 fingers inside you. As you whisper "I love when you do that to me..." turning me on even more I begin to bob my head up and down while I push my fingers in and out of you. Massaging your full balls in my hand, you moaned out loud. You raised my head up so that I may kiss you as you are laying me on my back.

You start to run your tongue down my firm body until you reach my freshly shaved arousal. You start sucking me deep reaching around to grab my cheeks you pull me even closer. As I began moaning you turn me over and put your tongue inside of me.

Wet, you slide your arousal inside of me as I tremble going from all fours to laying flat on the bed. You begin to catch your rhythm as I enjoy you inside of me we both begin to moan. Stroke after stroke moan after moan we decide to change positions. I get behind you and start massaging your cheeks I slide inside you I could not believe what he had been missing out on. After a few strokes with me inside you, you turn over to lay on your back. Spreading your legs even in the dark I can not help but notice the arch in your toes as we rock back and forth listing at my headboard tap against the wall. As I pull you closer to me, I start to whisper into your ear and remind you of how good your body feels wrapped around me. Asking you to ride me, we turn over as you get on top I cant help but be reminded of how firm your cheeks feel.

While you are on top of me, I begin to feel the wetness coming from your arousal as it bounces on my abs. Holding you in my arms we begin a slow bounce up and down. As I try to raise up you push me back down telling me to finish. Not being able to control myself at this point we both start to moan louder and louder as we finish you lean over to kiss me.

BAM... BAM... BAM!!!!! WTF I say? Its the neighbors below us knocking on their ceiling telling us to shut the fuck up.

Its soft and I think you feel my heart pulsating as its pressed against your firm back. Holding you in my arms I can feel your heart beating too . As we talk and laugh eventually we fall asleep with you in my arms. 2:17am.

This Christmas

12:55,1:55, 2:55, finally time to board the plane to VA 3 hours later. Upon arrival, DJ rents a shoebox for us to drive to his aunts house where we are staying. It was a rather interesting trip to say the least. Did you know having a driveway in VA is a luxury item? Otherwise you have rocks even on a brand new house. The family had a party which was real nice. Per capital Richmond VA has more gay clubs than Atlanta. I was surprised with an iPhone. I guess sometimes people do listen to me as I am rambling. LOL.. After 3 flight delays we are back in Atl. For me it was a rather quiet Christmas compared to what I am use to.

Does the future still equate the past?

As I woke up Sunday morning hung over from two parties the night before, I reach for my phone and start to scroll through it reviewing missed calls, text, etc.... There was one particular which stood out. Taking two aspirin to relieve the headache I am suffering from, I return to my phone to look again. I say to myself "hmm is this for real". Around 11 am I get up to start my Sunday, which does not stand out from any other at this point. Handling my needs shower, dressing, etc. , I prepare to go see my uncle for a few hours.

Finishing my visit with Mitchell, the Mario brothers ring tone plays to signify I have a new text message. Picking up my phone, I look... "hmm" I think again. I respond as I dust the chips off my shirt I subside and decide to take a drive... based on the new message and my response it leads one way. Straight to you.

As you and I sit in an attempt to keep it light hearted, some how, some way, feelings about the past slid into the conversation. I sit, I listen, I disagree, I listen and I think. Looking outside the window I slowly watch Sunday turn to Sunnight. I start to ask myself a series of questions:

1. What is this all about?


2. Am I really in NYC and you're in LA, yet we are in the same room?


3. Does my future still equate my past?

Some how I feel empty when I leave, with the above questions still unanswered. We will never be able to move from this cause its not being allowed.

Often times, individuals need something to hold on to for justification in their lives. How can man be justified if all are under sin? The book of Romans teaches us that justification comes from God not man. If you are continue using man to rationalize the actions of your past, it becomes difficult for you to see a future. At some point we must take accountability for our own actions.

I leave you with this, I am already living for tomorrow, stop living in yesterday.

Eight

By now the entire nation is aware of the fact that a decisive majority of Californians declared definitively that in their state “marriage” would remain defined in explicitly monogamous, heterosexual terms.

Equally obvious to all is the reaction that the successful passage of “Proposition 8” elicited from its left-wing opponents. The gross incivility displayed by the proponents of “same-sex marriage” toward the majority of their fellow residents, and the Mormon Church in particular, is self-condemnatory. But it is the Left’s charge that “Proposition 8” violates the so-called “Church/State separation clause” in the Constitution on which I want to focus here.

That there is no such clause, that the expression “separation of Church and State” originates in and reaches no further than one letter written by Thomas Jefferson, and that our Founding Fathers intended only to insure that America would be devoid of a government sponsored Church are facts easily verified. Even the Left knows this. And this is the point: for all of their Constitutionally-charged rhetoric, leftists, or at least militant leftists, care not a lick about whether religion per se fuses with politics.

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Honestly?

You say you want this right?

Well let me explain

This is who I am, this is what I do

Let me explain my truth to you.

I am presenting myself

I tell you no lie

The truth was what you wanted

I have no alibi.

You said you wanted this right?

Don't become defensive

I am just providing the truth

Although its hard for you to understand what else should I do?

I am following your request

Telling what you want

By your response I am starting to think you don't.

If you never wanted this you should have said such.

It appears me being honest for you is way way too much.

Honestly?

Honesty has made you afraid of me.

Merry EX Must.....

Well this is the first year in 6 years that I am spending Christmas without my EX. On Monday, as I helped Trevor put up his Christmas trees in his house and office. I found myself a bit depressed because normally MJ and I would be in talks about our Christmas colors preparing our Christmas cards and preparing to go to Home Depot to "get" our Christmas tree. Yes I said GET, we both believed that trees are free so why pay for them. We would just pick one out and put it on top of his sister SUV (while getting one for her too) and ride out. The past 2 years we had 12 to 14 ft trees. Last year it was so big it was sliding off the top of her car. LOL.... good times..

This year I will not get a tree. Dominique has asked me to go to VA/DC area with him for the holiday so I agreed. I think I will have a great time.

MJ will be missed this year but….. Christmas and life are just alike they must go on…

Thanks BTR Giving

This year I took a friend of mine home with me too meet the family…… Boy what an experience, as it always is. I had a great time!!! He said he had a good time but since he shows no real emotion I cannot tell you. My teenage sister advised him that he was not going to make it through the weekend if he did not speak up now and speak more often. She pegged him the first night and it was so funny to me. My family is a loud, to the point and very emotional. Let’s just say we like to have a good time. Thursday was full of laughs sometimes almost in tears…. My grandmother asked me “so why does a good looking young man like yourself want to wear your hair like that? I told her “it has not stopped me from getting a man”. She laughed as my father shook his head as to say OMG my son is a real live fag!!!! My aunt Dina was her normal self drunk for the holiday.

We all packed up for the weekend and headed to New Orleans for the Bayou Classic, Friday I got so drunk. I had a heated discussion with my father and went back to my hotel. Saturday we went to the game my friend Shelley and her husband Elgin drove down from ATL to spend the holiday and weekend in N.O. and they went to the game with us (30 folks). Although Southern lost the game and I lost my voice from being the section 131 cheer captain it was still a bunch of fun. Sunday it was all over and time for the drive back home.

It was an intense yet relaxing time…

Where spoken classism "Leafs" you.....

About 2 weeks ago I was on the elevator heading to my office. Two men who apparently worked for the same company (I could tell by name tags) were on the ride with me. One turns to the other and asks "how was your weekend" he advised it was spent raking the leaves in his yard for 5 hours on Saturday. The other guy said "geez I could not imagine raking my yard, I write a big check 3 times a year for that" The other guy said "wow that must be nice to be able to do." I smiled and shook my head, it was apparent the 2 guys were worlds apart in salary by tone, appearance, etc.

It got me to thinking about the Big 3 CEO's who decided to show up to capital hill, in great style (jets) and how some things are just not though about when you consider yourself to be in a different "class". Things like what is appropriate to say, what is appropriate to do and how inappropriate measures can be your downfall. A great example is the hand out those executives were seeking when they were not taking the necessary steps to protect their companies from bankruptcy. Jets, massive salaries, terrible products, are some things that can be considered.

Typically, what I have found is as my friend Shelley said "a fool and their money will soon part”. Don’t get me wrong the way you choose to celebrate your success is your business, however when you involve the lives of others, you should consider your actions. I have not been the poster child for non arrogant behavior myself but something should never be said. Don’t fly to me for a hand out in your jet. Don’t mention to your co-workers what you can afford.

In this economy we should all be a little more careful what we choose to spend our money on. Those of us, who choose not to be more careful may be raking leaves as a job, while those who once raked them as a past time will be writing fat checks.

NOT CHO Date

Last night I went to Noche with a friend of mine. He and I were having a conversation about dating and the people we were dating. While sitting at the bar there was a slender, young, rather pretty, white lady sitting next to us. She could not help but over hear our conversation as if she was eager to join in. Me being the person I am, I turn to her and ask about dating. The question I asked was "Do you think you can date multiple people at one time?" She smiled and replied with a "Yes".

From that moment on her flood gate (mouth) opened and we could not get her to shut the hell up. Since I don't know her name, for the purpose of this entry we will call her Munkeisha. ;-)~ She goes on to tell us that eventually you will have to choose your path. One of the best ways to make that decision is by deciding who you prefer to call when you get off a flight, home from work, when something good happens. Further, Munkeisha went on to say she unlike a few of her friends do not think dating someone consist of going on 1 are 2 dates. She used her friend sitting two seats down as an example. If he goes on a few dates with someone he will say "yeah I dated her". Myself, like Munkeisha feels the same way, that’s not dating.

Actually dating someone takes time, energy and effort. What I have found is that when I mention the word dating to someone I am dating they consider it to be a relationship. Why is that? Does everyone in this city feel the need to be in a relationship? I don't think I need to be in one. Considering that I have just gotten out of one that lasted 6 years. Another relationship is the last thing on my list for 2008 and/or prolly 2009. I left there thinking about what Munkeisha told us and decided that of the people I am dating I don’t really have to call any of them first. So am I dating?

The Six Month Evolution Rule

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend of mine who gave me some great advice. He advised me that in life you should "never find yourself six months from now where you were six months ago". As I thought about it, I found it to be applicable to every aspect of life. Often times I found myself complacent in my career, relationships, etc. I found that once I actually strive for more and set my expectations higher. Things around me changed.

Evolution is one of the greatest parts of life. As individuals we evolve from conception. Once you stop evolving essentially you stop living. You typically find that through evolution you out grow "friends", jobs, situations and learn from circumstances. As I have grown and as circumstances in my life have changed I find that "everyone and everything aint for everybody. "

After that conversation with CBG I decided to set a lifetime goal to not be six months from now where I was six months ago.

Political Upside and Downturn

As I walked through ATL Airport a few weeks prior to the election I heard several airport workers discussing the debate from the previous night (10/15) in grave detail. I am amazed at how many of us on all economic levels are paying attention to what is going on. Never in my life had I heard black folks discussing politics in as much depth as I have over the past year. Which is the upside of us having a black man as president elect.

The downturn is our economy is in such a bad state, I hate that we as a country will not relish in wealth with a black man as president. We are in a term of gridlock and unfortunately our next president will get more heat in his first year alone than Bush has received his entire term. Blacks will be seeking relief from Obama while Whites and others will scrutinize for everything he does including wiping his ass. How do we find a medium?

In my opinion its simple. I think we must keep the momentum going after Obama becomes president. By that I mean this, it’s imperative that we encourage the people above to make sure they are involved on a local political level and not just vote every 4 years. We must "shore" up our families and friends and make sure they understand the most significant impacts come on the local level. Examples to give are local property taxes sales tax parks and street improvement etc.

Simply put you don't deal with your corporate CEO on a daily basis you deal with your directors and/or manager. Its important that we make sure our Councilman, Senators, Congressman, Mayors and Governors (managers/directors) are doing what’s required to improve our lives. Then effectively we can allow those individuals to pass our message on to the President (CEO).

If we continue at the pace we are going we can have a upside turn around to the downside of our current position.